Editor,

If you pay attention to the Island County Republican Party, at some point you’ll start to feel like you’re watching a group of drunk, angry teenagers with a Ouija board.

ICRP Chairman Tim Hazelo posted on their Facebook page that their members do not play well with other members – and they don’t all think the same! He suggested they need to start acting more like the Dems.

Former ICRP vice chair Ms. Morgan Cooper said they need to start harvesting ballots – just like the Dems – or they’ll keep losing elections! Last November Ms. Cooper lost her seat on the WhidbeyHealth board, to which Chairman Hazelo remarked, “I want to congratulate all the candidates who won” (ergo: not Morgan).

Current vice chair Ms. Tracy Abuhl recently shared a news release from Mr. Semi Bird who, God willing, might be the GOP’s candidate for governor. Mr. Bird went after other Republicans for their “political class character assassination.” He called this “cancel culture” and “election interference.”

He also blamed the Never-Semi’s for breaking Reagan’s 11th Commandment: thou shall not speak ill of other Republicans (unless you want to call them Cancel Culture RINOs or Election Meddling Never Trumpers).

Ms. Abuhl added, “We are also the Party of God … and some of the things going on are not anywhere close to Godly.”

Breaking News: a new group, the “GOP of Island County,” has broken off from the ICRP and Chairman Tim is not amused. It seems that God’s Party here on Trump Island does not play well with others, or with themselves.

Note: if you think this is made up, it is not.

David Freed

Clinton