Editor,

After reading week after week the incessant whining of COER writers who constantly blame the Navy for the result of their poor real estate choices, I am able to find some humor in the Whidbey News-Times in the form of the Island Scanner column.

If many of the reports weren’t so blatantly absurd and totally unworthy of police time, if even to take a report, they would be funny.

I shall cite a few examples here with my comments, or possible solutions, in parentheses:

• “Neighbor’s 350 pound dog was in the yard.” (That’s not a dog, maybe a bear?);
• “A peacock was walking on the highway on Jones Road.” (That’s because there is no sidewalk on Jones Road);
• “Resident needed help moving a flower pot.” (Now THAT’s a real police matter, is it?);
• “An injured bunny was reported on Columbia Drive.” (Hmm, seem’s like a vet call, not the police.);
• “Resident reported a stray chicken in her yard.” (Another report worthy of police action?);
• “A ‘tweaking’ woman with a baby walking along the highway.” (Tweaking — Twerking, now which is it?);
• “A baby bird fell out of its nest and the caller put it back but it fell out again.” (Maybe the seat belt was defective.);
• “A dead rabbit was ready for pickup.” (Hope this wasn’t the one on Columbia Drive.);
• “A caller was upset his sister was at the library.” (Yes, I guess the library is no place to be seen.)
• “A person was carrying an orange blanket along the highway.” (Yep, that’s a sure violation, red or blue, no orange.);
• “A called wished to speak to an officer about an Emu.” (Top priority indeed.)

And these are just representative of reports made to law enforcement.

Callers need to ask themselves, “Is this really a police matter?” before calling. Speaking of that, COER members should have asked themselves if they really wanted to buy in a “noisy” area. A little prior research would have answered that questions for them.

Fred Stilwell

Oak Harbor