Oak Harbor native fights epidemic in podcast

By KATE DANIEL

Timothy Lawson has difficulty pinpointing the exact date on which he attempted to take his own life; but his memory of the tumultuous swell of fear and panic is vivid.

It was shortly after Lawson’s Marine Corps career commenced. He was on leave, visiting family in his hometown of Oak Harbor, when the depression he had attempted to quell for some time began to increase in severity.

“While I was home I began to feel shame, guilt and a lack of hope about things going on in my life,” he said during a TED Talk he delivered.

Lawson recalled that one night his despair took him in a chokehold, causing him to panic. He attempted escape by swallowing a bottle of prescription pills, chasing it down with a bottle of beer without so much as a cursory glance at the label.

He awoke the next morning retching and ill, recognizing how fortunate he was to be alive.

Lawson is one of thousands of veterans who have attempted suicide. Thousands more succeed each year.

According to data released by the Department of Veterans Affairs, in a study of 21 states from 1999 to 2011, the average number of veteran suicides was calculated at 22 per day. It’s a number that has become a rallying cry for many veterans’ advocates, and one which Lawson has taken to heart, inspiring the name of his podcast the “1, 2, Many: Veteran Suicide.”

The number is likely much higher, however, as those 21 states account for approximately 40 percent of the United States’ population. States including California and Texas did not make their data available for the study.

In addition, many veteran suicides go uncounted. Homeless individuals with no one to vouch for their veteran status are not always counted, nor are veterans whose families pressure the coroner not to list the death as a suicide due to the stigma surrounding the act. Others who commit suicide by drug overdose, car crash or “suicide by cop,” may not be officially ruled as such.

During his talk at the VFW, Lawson noted that the vast majority, approximately 50 percent, of veteran suicides occur in the older veteran population.

While he said military leaders have increased their awareness of the dangers of post traumatic stress disorder and depression and have taken steps to help active personnel cope with mental health concerns, Lawson said there is much more to be done, particularly in regard to older veterans.

He explained that many vets feel a sense of shame in admitting to a mental health crisis, and decline seeking treatment due to the stigma surrounding mental illness. There is also a sense of pride which may inhibit some veterans who fear divulging their struggles may make them appear weak.

“They get hit with the idea that they shouldn’t be going through this, so they try to deny it, ignore it or push through it, assuming the grass is greener,” Lawson said during a recent interview. “On the other side, when they come to terms with what they’re going through, they don’t want support because they feel they have to come up with the solution on their own.”

Previously, Lawson said active duty personnel feared seeking help for mental health problems because they thought it may ruin their career.

Lawson served in the Marines from May 2006 to Sept. 2011.

Lawson discusses his longtime struggle with depressive thoughts, and the overarching issue of veteran suicide, on his podcast and in venues nationwide.

It’s a cause that is both personal and imperative to Lawson, who has spoken with dozens of veterans who have attempted suicide, and dozens more vets and family members who have lost loved ones.

The “1,2, Many: Veteran Suicide” podcast was conceptualized in 2013, and now features over 60 episodes.

The podcast provides a platform to share the personal stories behind the statistic: 22 per day.

“I do not need to show symptoms for my doctor to be proactive about my physical health. Yet the culture around mental health, specifically suicide prevention, is currently reactive,” he said during his TED Talk. “We wait until we see the signs, then we act.”

During his talks, Lawson stresses the importance of being proactive in suicide prevention and treatment of mental health.

He outlined four basic ideas that can be applied to prevent suicide: empathy, purpose — especially true for veterans, mentorship and “knowing that you matter.”

He noted that he discovered the importance of the fourth idea after examining his own past suicidal behavior. He said that the reason he had not attempted suicide on more than one occasion was that he knew that he mattered. This was largely imparted to him by his mother, he said.

After his initial suicide attempt, Lawson faced a second incident of severe panic and suicidal thoughts while stationed at a U.S. embassy overseas. It was 1 a.m., he recalled. He had several loaded firearms in his possession, and contemplated ending his life.

This time, it was a call to his mother that prevented action. Lawson said that his mother’s reassurance, as well as her statement of the profound effect and value he has in her life persuaded him to rethink his initial inclinations.

“It wasn’t just about how much she loved me, but how important my existence is to her,” he said. Lawson explained that letting someone know they matter is about earnestly communicating with them the significant and immeasurable impact they have on another person’s life.

As for what can be done to better assist veterans, Lawson said community is essential.

“In the military we have a community, a camaraderie. Being able to provide that community is really valuable,” he said. “Whether it’s getting involved in a local church, or something in their own family, giving them a chance to see their sense of purpose.”