Twenty-five years after her husband’s scandalous affair was revealed to the world, Hillary Clinton is finally ready to show Monica Lewinsky her wrestling skills. Likewise, Lewinsky has grown quite some muscle and is ready for a challenge to restore her reputation.
Meanwhile, the now-homeless Tucker Carlson has been learning survival skills and believes he has a chance against martial arts student Don Lemon.
These are just a few public figures that have chosen the Roller Barn in Oak Harbor on Aug. 26 to resolve years of rivalry and drama once and for all. Sort of. Though it might sound like Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg have started a trend of challenging other rich people to a fight, this is none other than Fantasy Fights, a mix of professional fighting and comedy brought for the first time by comedian and filmmaker Shawn Cain.
Cain described the show as “the ‘Saturday Night Live’ of wrestling,” where the performers — seasoned fighters and B-movie actors — will play famous figures in a slapstick fashion that doesn’t try to be political.
Co-producer and former professional boxer Tony Taylor has worked with Cain on films such as “The Last Patriot” — which was filmed on Whidbey.
“We’re not picking sides to be on,” he said. “We’re trying to put on a show to entertain people where they can see something new and different.”
The performers include mixed martial arts fighters and wrestlers from the World Wrestling Entertainment (commonly known as WWE), the World Championship Wrestling (or WCW) and the World Wrestling Federation (or WWF).
Cain, a long-time wrestling enthusiast and former “theater kid,” said it’s the kind of show that can put the audience in a great mood before a real wrestling match.
He first got the idea of a parody wrestling match while watching a show about wrestling history.
“What if we went back to the beginnings of pro wrestling?” He said. “Back when it was more comedy matches, when it was more to get the audiences involved, when it was more of a circus type of atmosphere?”
In today’s socio-political climate, Cain believes laughter has become particularly important.
“Not that long ago, we all could laugh at each other and nobody pulled out a gun and shot you,” he said. “I think it’s important for us to go back to that place. I think it’s important for us as a country and as individuals to know that we’re all human beings and we all like to laugh, and there’s nothing wrong with that.”
In hopes to “lower the temperature,” Cain created a show that would make fun of everyone indiscriminately without favoring one political ideology over the other, while also giving what he believes many have wanted to see all along — famous people throwing hands at each other.
The show follows a 119-page script that includes, among many wacky moments, pie attacks, opponents hiding under the ring, catfights, dancing, unfair height differences and a drunk referee.
Taylor, who will play a clown named Bobo, said he looks forward to meeting wrestlers he’s always admired.
Some of these athletes have appeared in Cain’s films and have known each other for some time.
Behind the scenes, Missy Hyatt and Cyndi Snow — who respectively will play archnemeses Hillary Clinton and Monica Lewinsky — are friends.
Hyatt is a retired wrestling valet and model who worked for the now defunct WCW. At 59, the “First Lady of Wrestling” or “The Walking Riot” had her first wrestling match about a month ago and is excited to beat her frenemy up for the sake of giving people a good time.
“If you hurt me even one time I will whack you so hard, you won’t even know what hit you,” Hyatt/Clinton said as a warning to Lewinsky/Snow, who had a message for her rival as well.
“Looking at you I can see why he chose me to be the new Hillary,” she said.
Snow, who was once married to professional wrestler Al Snow, has been wrestling for over 20 years.
Though Hyatt looks forward to teaching Lewinsky/Snow a lesson, she hopes it won’t end in a cease and desist order from the former first lady / presidential candidate herself.
The show will also be available on FITE TV, Amazon and Independent Wrestling TV. If the debut turns out to be a success, Cain and his team hope to turn it into a regular TV show, or to host more fights in the future.
For example, they already plan to host the mock competition again in December, which will see Jesus Christ fighting Santa Claus. The loser will be sent to hell by the devil, who will be employed as the referee.
On Aug. 26, people will also see Vladimir Putin’s 7-feet-tall son, Hunter Biden, Stormy Daniels and more.
The event will begin at 7 p.m. and will cost $30. No nudity or cuss words — the show is accessible to children under 14 who are accompanied by adults.
To learn more, look up “Fantasy Fights” on eventbrite.com.
Missy Hiatt, Shawn Cain, and Cyndi Snow. (Photo provided)
