Island County Board of Commissioners gave the green light to Whidbey’s first red-light district, saying a proposed business added another dimension to the county’s on-going mission of broadening the local economy.

The establishment, which will be located on Happy Valley Road, is named the Nightly Grind. Its Texas-based owners said they saw an opening for adult entertainment after learning a long-time popular business for seniors had recently been forced to close.

“I’m so happy,” said Norm, who requested his last name not be used in order to maintain some semblance of respectability with his partner who prefers quiet evenings at home.

“Now, there’ll be another place where us old geezers can sit around for hours griping and gawking,” Norm said.

Opposition came from many sectors, including coffee drinkers, swimmers and master gardeners.

Public health officials also expressed concern that the new business would attract the “wrong” element, such as cigarette smokers.

“And don’t even get me started on the septic system,” Health Services Director Keith Higman said. “I don’t have enough inspectors to handle that workload.”

WEAN, a local environmental group, gave its blessing after an extensive three-year study costing taxpayers $3.5 million determined no Western toads were in the pathway of the business.

The fate of horned toads, however, remains to be seen.

All protesters were ultimately overruled by Commissioner Jill Johnson, who threatened a filibuster in the dank, dark, dismal basement floor of the Courthouse Annex Building.

“I will stand here and read the meeting minutes of Island County Board of Commissioner meetings starting with the first one on April 4, 1853,” she said.

Grand opening for The Nightly Grind is set for midnight April First.

April Fools!