By Maribeth Crandell

My favorite TV show is CSI. (Crime Scene Investigation to those out of the loop.) I loved the way they would get down and dirty and find these microscopic traces of evidence, a fiber, a grain of sand, they’d even note the developmental stage of a mere maggot. In each episode, these clues would reveal exactly how a crime had been committed.

Of course, being a product of Hollywood, the “scientists” were anorexic actors. The women were gorgeous, the guys were hunks, but in this age of enlightenment, they use their brilliant minds and high tech lab equipment, instead of their beauty and brawn.

When I recently became the environmental educator for the Oak Harbor Public Works Department, I was thrilled to find we were doing our own “Crime Scene Investigations!” Okay, so we may not look as hip as the CSI staff on TV, but we do have some cool investigative equipment. Take the remote control camera that can go into the storm drains all over town and show us in the truck exactly what’s down there! (Jerry Buckheimer, eat your heart out!) Let me tell you, it is not a pretty sight!

We take samples and analyze them back at the lab, just like on TV, only our lab doesn’t have the blue lights and glowing glass tables. Still, the results are pretty fascinating. We have a Beach Watcher volunteer toxicologist, Mahmond Monem, who is helping us determine exactly what toxins are coming from what outfall pipes so we can trace the evidence to the source, which could be people like you and me who have no idea that we’ve done anything harmful, much less broken any laws!

New state regulations have made simple actions that pollute our storm water system, a crime. Many people don’t realize that our storm drains carry water from our rooftops, lawns, streets and parking lots straight out to Oak Harbor Bay untreated! Consider the consequences of pouring oil, paint, grease or other toxins down the storm drain. Car wash soap, gardening fertilizer, yard or pet waste can have a detrimental effect on our beaches and the waters where we swim and fish. Even dirt from construction sites can be considered an “illicit discharge”. Then we’d have to send out the lieutenant with the handcuffs.

We at the Public Works Department may not be considered especially cool, but our victims certainly are. Breaching orca, massive gray whales, or schools of salmon trying to find their way home. Studies have determined that our orcas are the most toxic marine mammals on earth. Puget Sound salmon and steelhead are on the threatened and endangered species lists. Shellfish beds have had to be closed down. With four million people living in the region, Puget Sound is in trouble. We are poisoning our precious natural resources and our most beautiful neighbors. An estimated 1.4 million more people are on the way, so the time to act is now.

It is definitely not cool to pour toxins down the storm drain. If you witness such an act, you can call our hotline to report it and join the city’s crime scene investigators, 279-4764.

I’d rather live here than in Hollywood, and one reason is because we share these shores with some very cool creatures! So remember, “only rain down the storm drain,” and beware of the Crime Scene Investigators coming soon to a storm drain near you!

Maribeth Crandell is the environmental educator with Oak Harbor Public Works.