The Legislature is scheduled to adjourn this week which means it’s time to check our wallets, pull back the curtain, look outside and see if they’re coming to get us yet.

No one ever really knows what the Legislature does, because they’re doing so much. News organizations send a paltry few reporters to Olympia to keep us informed of the major items, but nobody can cover the thousands of bills our legislative busy-beavers introduce, even in an off-year when they are only supposed to be tweaking the budget.

We vaguely know that the Legislature passed a bill to reduce carbon emissions over time, but we don’t know what that means. Details will slowly seep out as the rules are implemented over the years. Only when they come and take away your prized 1961 Dodge Polara, slap the cuffs on you and charge you with harboring a gas-guzzler, will you know the full extent of the law.

We also know that the new state college meant to serve Skagit, Island and Snohomish counties never got funded due to a dispute over the site. Everett was favored going in because of some old industrial land it wanted to make over, but Island and Skagit counties rebelled, saying, “It just ain’t development if we can’t pave over a couple of hundred rural acres.” Perhaps they’ll compromise next year and decide to pave over Everett, again.

Nothing the Legislature does is exactly clear, as our elected representatives could muddy holy water. The dire shortage of ferries was resolved by a bill to build “one to three” ferries. Presumably, that means they’ll build at least one ferry, or as many as three, or something in the middle. Two, perhaps. But changes are just as good they’ll only have enough for one-and-a-half ferries, with the half no doubt going to the Keystone route, to await funding for the other half. But whatever we build, rest assured they will be built in Washington, not by Airbus, assuming we can find a boatyard that isn’t bankrupt.

Other than those items, it’s anyone’s guess what will pass before the session adjourns. I tried researching this issue and came up with a list of “bills passed out of committee” as of March 3. I printed it out and it runs more than 11 pages in tiny type, but even then bills that didn’t pass out of the committee aren’t “dead,” however, “in all likelihood they will not get further consideration.” Unless, of course, some committee chairman wants it to. But thanks to the list, we know for sure there were more than 900 bills still alive as of March 3, and many more that could be brought back to life when no one is looking.

Exactly what those 900 bills deal with is too complex to research. Our computer doesn’t have enough clicks left to go through them all. So we shut our eyes and randomly pointed to five bills dealing with: 1, “fish & wildlife data,” 2, “amateur radio repeaters,” 3, “Taiwan in world health org,” 4, “gambling revolving fund,” and 5, “driving record abstracts.”

If they all pass we can imagine a scenario like this: While you’re clam digging, some state worker stops by to collect data; you make a run for it but your location is found thanks to enhanced amateur radio repeaters; you are taken to police headquarters and water-boarded until you confess your position on putting Taiwan in the world health organization; then you’re given $100 from the gambling revolving fund to go forget your troubles at an Indian casino; only to be arrested on the way because a cop looked up your driving record abstracts on his computer.

If none of this makes sense, blame the Legislature.