The state pays school districts by the head for students, so those with dwindling student populations like Central and South Whidbey are getting ripped off. We keep paying the hefty state school property tax, but less money is coming home to roost in our own schools.
Aside from Oak Harbor’s Navy population, the island isn’t getting any younger. The people moving here are generally older, having made their fortunes in places they no longer want to live. So they buy or build a fancy house on Whidbey Island and, having once raised children, they have the good sense to start their new life living with dogs.
In fact, rich or poor, islanders are switching to dogs, which have a number of benefits over children. You don’t have to buy them expensive dresses for the prom, save up to send them to college or buy them iPods so they can plug in, tune out and listen to other dogs bark.
As a community we’re also starting to pay more attention to our dogs than to our kids. We’ve got animal shelters, people willing to take in hungry mutts or canine delinquents and reform them, and others who rescue only pit bulls, swearing they’re as gentle as lambs.
We make parks especially for dogs, with doggie trails and free balls to chase. We turn over other parks partially to dogs, with toddlers in bathing suits on one end and dogs running loose on the other. When an empty bathing suit is found, we just figure the tide got’em as dogs are above suspicion. The Greenbank Farm is mostly used by people letting their dogs roam but has yet to capitalize on it by hosting a Dog Poo Days festival. No doubt it’s just a matter of time until they realize loganberries have been replaced.
The 2010 census stupidly counted only people and not dogs, but if they had counted canines the results would have been startling. We may have more dogs than children. When’s the last time you saw an adult walking with a child along the road? It never happens. Yet you see dozens of folks walking dogs, who take to the leash better than kids. You see dogs lying in the sunshine and frolicking in the yard, but not kids. Many were hauled to the mainland by parents looking for work, while the survivors spend their time indoors connected to the Web, which so far hasn’t bitten anyone.
The only solution is to face the facts and admit Whidbey Islanders prefer dogs to children, and we demand or school taxes go to the dogs as the children disappear. Our dog are sadly uneducated and in many cases embarrassing. I have one that never could learn to speak, sit up or roll over. After 15 long years he can finally play dead, which he does all day long. When I get home from work we go dead dog walking. What he needed was a good teacher when he was younger. It’s embarrassing to know only one trick at 15.
Our legislators need to slip in a law this session giving dogs equal educational treatment. We can hire back all the teachers we’ve laid off and our dogs will learn amusing and useful tricks as the teachers prepare them for the annual WAG’L test.
The schools will become free doggie daycare centers, giving their humans a break, and bus drivers will finally have passengers who know how to behave themselves.
We’d like our tax money back, please. We need it our the dogs.
