One of the mysteries of life, at least around our house, is why it’s so difficult to get rid of the old kitchen sponge. For several week’s we’ve had a new sponge sitting on the shelf above the sink, waiting anxiously for its chance to take the plunge into the warm, sudsy dishwater. The Easy Grip sponge, designed with comforting curves, has a scrubbing side and sponge side, and, most amazing of all, resists bacterial odors. That’s a lot for 99 cents, on sale at Albertson’s for those of us lucky enough to have the blue card that makes us special.

The new sponge sounds appealing, but the old sponge has a vast amount of experience, having helped wash thousands of dishes, cleaned the counters dozens of times and, on occasion, soaked up a spill on the floor, as long as it was a small spill that didn’t violate the five-second rule. Any longer and the sponge would pick up dog germs from the floor. The old sponge is supple from wear and always good for one more use. The problem with a new sponge is that once you use it, it’s no longer new. Before long you start thinking you have to remember to buy a new one, but it might be a long time before Albertson’s has another sponge sale. Normally the Easy Grip is $2.29, which is too much. I’d rather wash dishes with the dog’s tail.

But the time comes when the old sponge simply has to be replaced. It’s easy to tell when, because suddenly the sponge is never where you left it. After washing the late-night dishes, you go to bed. The next morning, the sponge isn’t sitting on the back edge of the sink where you left it. Instead, it’s sitting by the toaster or the microwave. This happens when the sponge gets so saturated with germs that it comes alive at night, with thousand of tiny germ legs carrying it along the kitchen counter, looking for crumbs to eat. One morning I found the sponge in the dog’s dish. The germs had obviously seen the dog food far below the counter and jumped, landing in the dish of fresh Purina. No doubt they yelled a collective “Geronimo!” on the way down.

If the Health Department every inspected our kitchen, we’d be closed down because of our old, germ-ridden kitchen sponge. But we need these germs to build up our immune systems to really evil germs. The dog’s still alive, so it must be working.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll open the package on the new Easy Grip and throw the old sponge away. If I can find it. Those darn germs seem to have escaped the kitchen.