For years I have promised my three kids that I will not interfere in their choices of hair color, a spouse, or a career. I’ve made the statement during light moments, but they know I am quite serious. I’ve uttered such sentiments when I felt they needed to be reminded that important decisions demand careful tending and it will never be my intention to overstep as a mother.

In my opinion, all three require thought, planning and careful consideration. Input from others is often a great idea, no doubt about that. But when the time comes for legitimate decision making, you must get in the trenches, ask God for wisdom and insight, and take responsibility to make most of the decisions on your own. I enjoyed the freedom to make such decisions in my own life and I extend similar courtesies to my children.

Progressive? Inviting trouble? I don’t believe I do, for I have also clarified time and again that with freedom of choice comes great responsibility. Because we do not live in isolation, what we do will invariably impact others. Therefore, we must make decisions with care. We must face the fact that purple hair may stop others from taking us seriously and will reveal for all the world to see what matters to us. When making important decisions, especially while living in close proximity with others, we must communicate even when it’s difficult and uncomfortable because experiences and insight from carefully chosen people can help us make better decisions.

My promise grew in significance this week when our college-aged child made the big announcement: “Mom, I’ve chosen my major and decided on a career. Here’s what I’ve got to do and the time frame I’ll need to get it all done. What do you think?” I could not have predicted the sense of relief and pure joy her decisions brought to my life, but now I know. She detailed the plan and sounds genuinely content with her choices. It’s a new “mother experience” for me and it brings me pleasure, for I know a great deal of soul searching went into her decisions. She got in the trenches and crawled out with a vision for the future.

So what do you do in the trenches? How do people with a relationship with God make big life decisions? How do they incorporate God into the process? Best-selling author, Rick Warren, made famous by his book “The Purpose-Driven Life,” suggests we ask ourselves four questions when considering plans that have the potential to alter the course of our lives.

Question No. 1: What will the center of my life be if I make this decision? Other closely-related questions to ask yourself might include, If I want God to be the center of my time and my thoughts, will this decision support or inhibit this goal? Will I have time to worship him, learn more about him, be able to discern his plans for my life? Many individuals whose stories are told in the Bible asked these questions, and we are told that those whose lives were most significant served the purposes of God, pushing away many of their own plans because they not only wanted to be faithful but trusted that God would steer their lives in right ways.

Question No. 2: What will be the character of my life if I make this decision? God tells us that who we are is far more important than what we do. Some people go so far as to make a list of qualities they admire and they work to develop those qualities in themselves. If you believe that the lessons learned and the qualities you use in your everyday life will impact what you will do and experience in eternity, get that list going. Ask yourself on a regular basis, If someone were to describe me, what would they say? Is who I want to be evident in the way I work, parent, befriend and serve others?

Question No. 3: What will be the contribution of my life if I make this decision? What will I be doing in this world? Will I be serving or helping others to live better? Will I be using the passions and skills God gave me? Will I find my place and ultimately honor and reflect the best in God because it is a great fit? The apostle Paul reminds us that when we find our place, the service we perform not only meets the needs of people but creates an outpouring of gratitude. Grateful people experience joy and increased creativity … which they desire to pass along to others. They see new ways to pay it forward.

Question No. 4: What will be the communication of my life if I make this decision? What issues will consistently capture my attention and how will I tell people about them? Will my choices give me more to learn? Will I find the courage and ways I am comfortable to share those lessons with others?

When we ask these questions we are living with purpose. Decisions matter. Our lives matter because we detect that God has drawn near … to support and guide us as we choose that hair color. That career. That special someone to truly love.