I found it among some old papers, a note so tattered by time I unfolded it slowly, concerned it might fall apart in my hands. Handwritten 31 years ago by the boy up the street who had captured my 14-year-old heart, it appears we had gotten ourselves into a bit of hot water.

Joan,

Things have cooled down a little up here and I thought you would like this note. We had our talk at dinner and things are getting better. Still no mention about the car and I don’t think anything will develop.

Well, our moms say we have a million things to do tomorrow but you are invited to a picnic with me in the very near future. OK?

I’ll call at 9:00.

I love you,

Matt

With the note in hand I walked up to the quiet sanctuary of my bedroom to contemplate the mystery. What had caused things to “heat up” at Matt’s house? What role did Matt’s 1965 Mustang (with 289 under the hood, the mag tires and the cool Dolby speakers) play in the drama? How did I fit into the incident? And had our mothers commiserated, each planning some family time to keep us occupied and away from each other for a spell?

I quieted my mind and allowed it to wonder back to those days. I thought of my parents, younger than I am now, and the relative simplicity of our lives — no computers, cell phones or satellite TV. I recalled the hundreds of times Matt and I had driven in that car and the fun we had experienced hanging out together, often in the company of the other kids in the neighborhood. Yet as hard as I tried, I could not recall the particulars of that event.

Perhaps that is the way it should be, an innocent-enough occurrence left untouched in the recesses of my mind, to be experienced as nothing more than a sweet mystery. Yet, my disappointment subsided when I realized that there suddenly appeared before me a whole new dimension to the note–some vital ideas I could not have observed at age 14 but can clearly appreciate today as I parent teenagers.

There are, in fact, some noteworthy parenting hints — written clearly in the short note. Included are hints I think are a help as many of us aim — and frequently struggle — to be effective parents while maintaining a degree of peace.

First, things may have gotten a bit hot up at Matt’s house, but they cooled down. There was clarification and resolution. Interestingly enough, it appears things improved over the family dinner table. Imagine that! Dr. and Mrs. Klope, along with their five busy kids, managed to carve out some family time over dinner. They talked about their schedules and the experiences of the day. They hashed out issues. Shared opinions. Laughed and interacted.

No longer can we simply pass off such an activity as a by-gone family event. It must be viewed as sacred — therefore, planned and respected. After all, good things can happen around the dinner table that may never happen any place else.

Next, we must pick our battles. I seriously doubt Matt’s parents were left in the dark about most things, for they centered their lives on their children. They could not have known about all of their children’s adventures, as I know for a fact it was rather fun to see what we could get away with without our parents finding out. However, engaged parents develop antennas. They pay close attention to their children then carefully choose what to discuss and what to let go.

Finally, there were some community expectations both kids and parents shared. In this case, we understood that we owed our families some of our time. We would need to spend some time at home without neighborhood kids hovering. We would need to help keep the house and yards picked up and clean. We would need to run errands for our parents. We might even need to turn down some of our own plans until our work was done at home.

As the mother of teenagers and the long-time wife to that same boy from up the street, I rejoice at the way God speaks to me this week using such a sweet, innocent note. God is inventive and clear. His messages — meant only for our good — may arrive on delicate and aged notebook paper, but they will always be powerful and life-enhancing, sure to arrive at just the right moments.

Freelance writer Joan Bay Klope’s e-mail address is jbklope@hotmail.com.