Noting an increase in tomfoolery, as well as a sharp spike in shenanigans, Oak Harbor Mayor Bob Severns is pushing an ordinance to outlaw all monkey business in city limits.

The last straw, he said, came last Tuesday when a hooligan scratched off the letter “R” on the title stenciled on his office door, turning him into the city’s “mayo.”

“We don’t joke about condiments around here,” he said.

Severns also pointed to a recent incident in which a group of elderly women indulged in some impromptu buffoonery and duct taped one of their husbands to a couch while he was napping. Firefighters responded to the scene but were unable to save much of the man’s arm and leg hair.

There was also an embarrassing incident involving a game of truth-or-dare, an underwear drawer, a box of raisins and a fire extinguisher, Severns said, but refused to divulge more details.

The party-pooping mayor said other communities in the state and across the nation that enacted similar bans experienced a dramatic decrease in pranking and clowning but, for an unknown reason, also saw an uptick in streaking and grave robbery.

“That’s a tradeoff I’m willing to make,” he said sternly.