Thirty years ago I walked down a church in a white gown. I remember being filled with such joy I had to gather all the willpower I possessed to stop a massive flow of tears, for I don’t cry with elegance. I also remember looking into the eyes of the young man I had fallen in love with eight years before and experiencing a heavenly blessing of unreserved conviction: that we could give ourselves to each other—heart, soul, mind and body —- and trust each other with the gifts God had given us both at the time of our births.
They were all there: Dr. Balding, the OB/GYN who had delivered us both. Our grandmothers. My dance teacher, the old Broadway performer, who twirled me around the dance floor later that day. Our neighbors. Church friends. Teachers. Family members. Colleagues of our parents. College roommates. To them, in some ways, it might have been experienced as yet another wedding. Perhaps they wondered privately if we’d be able to keep our promises, for some in the crowd understood what realm of possibilities awaited us as we made our vows.
Even we did not fully understand all that we were promising that day in front of nearly 350 family and friends, seated in the pews of our hometown church. How could we? We had only lived in the relative safety of our family homes and college settings. And yet, I know that one of the best decisions we ever made was voiced that very day — in our youth.
Above all else, I know we would not be marking our 30th anniversary had we not shared a faith in Christ, serving as the foundation to our relationship as a dating couple and today as a married one. We choose faith because we are sinners, saved by God’s grace. Sound complicated and religious? I don’t intend it to. It’s a basic fact in our relationship: we readily acknowledge that we are as vulnerable and human as the rest. We believe that God brought us together and gave us gifts intended to be used in our marriage, in our efforts to parent children, in our roles as family members, in the lives of our friends, and in our choices to work and serve in our church and community.
There is also a realization that we don’t have all it takes. In spite of our failings, God offers us a relationship with Him as a gift, not one we earned or deserve. We believe we were both created with deficits and work to fill them with Christ rather than money, power or prestige. Or drugs and alcohol or excessive and wasteful time spent mindlessly entertaining ourselves with all that is available with cell phones, iPods, and Internet use. And certainly not aided by a constant look for other humans to fill ever-changing needs.
Our 30 years together have been filled with mountaintop glories and valley trudges through the muck. That’s because faith in Christ does not exempt us from struggle. But when there are rough stretches, we remind ourselves that God is at work. He’s refining, teaching, and preparing us for a deeper joy today and into eternity.
Joan Bay Klope can be reached at faithfulliving@hotmail.com.
