Dozens of anonymous Internet readers called Mr. Know-It-All and imbecile, moron, numbskull and far worse after his last column, but since he received one nice signed card in the mail he will answer some more questions.

Q: I couldn’t believe all the TV coverage of Sen. Ted Kennedy’s funeral. Every channel, all week long. What’s up with that?

A: Sen. Kennedy is the greatest American to die since Princess Diana.

Q: I can hardly wait for the results of the election in Afghanistan. Why was it so close this time?

A: Many Afghan political parties used western consultants. Some popular slogans were A Chicken Stuffed with Opium Poppies in Every Pot, The Old Frontier, and The Great 12th Century Society. Even the Afghan communists had a catchy slogan: The Great Leap Backward.

Q: What else did the western consultants bring to Afghan politics?

A: Campaign theme songs. Liberals parties played, I am Woman, See My Face!, while conservatives went with Happy Days Aren’t Here Again!

Q: Afghan politicians are hopelessly corrupt and willing to do anything for a bribe. What are American consultants doing about this?

A: Changing the name of “bribe” to “campaign contribution.”

Q: They say the U.S. economy has finally bottomed out. Is this true?

A: Even the Titanic eventually bottomed out.

Q: The United States will never get out of debt and its currency will soon be worthless. Is there any way out?

A: Our leaders are thinking of following the German model, were we invade Belgium, France and other patsy countries. After we lose the ensuing war, we can start fresh.

Q: Next month, the Communist Chinese government will celebrate 60 years in power. What’s it doing to commemorate the achievement?

A: They’re celebrating the demise of capitalism by throwing a big party at the Wal-Mart Supercenter in Beijing.

Q: I’m amazed the old Space Shuttle made it back to the International Space Station. When in NASA going to retire that thing?

A: As soon as the government comes out with another Cash for Clunkers program.

Q: What will NASA scientists do with the $4,500 in cash?

A: Build the next generation of spacecraft, using a giant rubber band as the propulsion system.

Q: Why is Boeing packing up and leaving for South Carolina?

A: They’re attracted by the state motto, Dum Spiro Spero, which was recently discovered on the Internet.

Q: What’s Washington’s state motto?

A: Dum Unions, Dum Legislators.

Q: Angry Japanese threw out their government that has ruled for most of the last 60 years. What does this mean?

A: I don’t know, but I’m canceling my reservations at the Pearl Harbor Holiday Inn.

Q: The Winter Olympics in Vancouver, B.C. are just a few months away. How can Whidbey Island benefit from this?

A: Change the big “Oak Harbor” directional sign on the freeway to “Whistler Harbor.”

Q: Will this be Mr. Know-It-All’s last column?

A: Not if he gets another nice card in the mail.