Watching the national scene today we can only shake our heads in wonderment when we have one presidential candidate who has never headed anything and another who could have retired with full Social Security benefits seven years ago.

All we can conclude from this is that our nation’s brainpower is ebbing quickly and that we should all stand on our heads.

Admittedly, I haven’t stood on my head for many years, which may be having some effect on the ideas produced for this column. Nevertheless, for many years as I youth I did frequently stand on my head, and in those days I was known as a quick study who unfortunately didn’t study often enough.

The head standing came from my grandfather, who taught all the kids in the family to stand on their heads and badgered us to do it whenever he was around. Grandpa Albert was the most famous member of our branch of the Larsen clan, which as U.S. Rep. Rick Larsen adamantly points out, is no relation to him. Grandpa’s fame came late in life when the Everett Herald took a picture of him standing on his head on his 90th birthday. It was a good picture, taken in a studio with backlighting that made him look like an upside down, elderly angel.

Grandpa always claimed that it was good for the blood to rush to your head so you should spend several minutes every day standing on your head to freshen up your brain. Nobody believed it then, but we stood on our heads just to placate him and get it over with, otherwise we’d never hear the end of it. At large family gatherings like Thanksgiving and Christmas, Grandpa would often enter the room and see everyone already standing on their heads. As women all wore dresses in those days, it wasn’t necessarily a pretty sight, but it was best to get the head standing over with so the turkey could be properly tended without further interruption.

It turns out Grandpa was right, standing on your head does have health benefits. Google it, and one of the first things that pops up is a story about scientists from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology saying it helps nerve function, better regulates information passing to the brain, and alters how neurons transmit signals to each other. In other words, all that blood rushing to your brain makes you think better. Naturally, the scientists were looking for a drug that would have the same effect. Just recommending that people stand on their heads never crossed their minds, due no doubt to insufficient blood flow.

All this reminiscing has prompted me to try standing on my head. It’s Labor Day, nobody’s around, so here goes, I’ll be back in a minute …

Well, that was a lot harder than I recall. I got my head on the ground, managed to get both feet fleetingly in the air, but couldn’t get my back straightened out. On the positive side, having my head down made me think more clearly and realize it was stupid to even start writing about this subject. Next week: Metaphysics and its affects on Island County land use planning.

Meanwhile, I’ll keep practicing standing on my head. I’ve got 30 years before the Herald photographer comes knocking on my door.